Rambles of an 18 year old.

I can't seem to find any inspiration these days. So this might ramble...
Right now my life is filled with finals ( well, now they're over), college, and classes. Oh ya and that little thing called work. I hate my job. I'm sick and tired of the favoritism game that is played non-stop. Meh.
I actually have to go there in an hour. But I'm okay with it. But only this once. If I want to have my Friday off, I must work tonight. No problem. I like money.
Money. College costs so much money. That's so scary. Everything costs so much money! Not even just college, but everyday things! People don't realize how much money one shopping trip for me, just one person, costs. Living Gluten Free is not a choice, so I can't just "buy normal food". Because trust me, I wish I could. There are those days that I crave my old favorites. Like Chubby Hubby ice cream... or cookie dough ice cream... I like ice cream.
But a loaf of bread costs 3-5 dollars for me. And that loaf only lasts a week. If I'm lucky. (It depends on how many grilled cheeses I make that week). And it's not even a normal size slice of bread! I get funny looks all the time when people see the size of my sandwiches. It's ridiculous.
This has turned into a ramble about bread. I am so sorry. But since it is the largest thing I can't eat in my life, I suppose it should be the topic of the ramble.
I get nervous for college and how I'll eat. Oops. Back on that whole college topic again... you know, that thing that scares the crap out of me! As my first audition approaches I begin to freak out a little inside each day. Less than a month. February 17th, my mom and I will ship down to Pennsylvania for the weekend... and on the 18th, I allow a college to pick me apart. Will they like me? Will I choke? Will I get in with my talent? I'm getting a little less confident each day. Pace wait listing me has really put a damper on my drive. But I'm trying to push past it so much. I just eat chocolate. A lot of chocolate. So much that I've decided, for each piece of chocolate I eat between now and prom, I will do 20 sit-ups and 20 push-ups. I have the ideal prom dress picked out in my head. I just need Candy, my seamstress, to make it. It's my dream. Now I just have to make it a reality.
How did auditions get to prom? Oh that's right, because my mind is crazy. Kinda like me.

-Courtney <3

Just a small Update

Well not really an update at all. Just me writing to say I am conflicted about the next show at my school.

That is all.
 :/

My Family

The cast of the 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee <3

Waiting.

That's essentially what you spend most of your Senior year doing... Constant waiting. Waiting for this school to accept you... waiting for this school to give you money...waiting for the right prom date... waiting for the school to finally give you food you can eat! ( Okay, maybe this one is just me, but still) ...or just waiting for the year to end and your life to begin. I've just been waiting.
I finished sending in my college applications at the end of November, the Sunday before Thanksgiving to be exact. And ever since then, it has been the waiting game. Wilkes answered me... Rhode Island answered me... but where was Pace's decision? HELLO TOP SCHOOL OF MY DREAMS I'M WAITING HERE! It sucked. I spent all of my winter vacation just waiting and crying. I also had some medical issues... but still, I was just stuck waiting. Until I realized that I had received an e-mail saying their offices would be closed until January 2nd... Whoops... I should have done something all of vacation... instead of... waiting.
Another thing I've waited for this year is the school musical. The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee finally opens tomorrow. The show is wonderful, the cast is magical, and the friendships are indescribable. But last Monday I went to the Emergency Room and they told me I had... pneumonia. "No I don't." Those were the exact words from my mouth. I had worked so hard for the show, and now, to lose my voice my breath capacity, and let alone control of how I felt, I felt miserable. I cried. Right then and there. The doctor didn't know what was happening... I quickly got on antibiotics, spent my first overnight in a hospital and went home on Tuesday, late Tuesday. I was back in school on Thursday and my voice remained hidden. Finally this past weekend, it came back. Everything. My belt, my legit, and my vibrato... all of them were back. I hope they enjoyed their vacation because that is last one they will take for a very long time...
So today, I came home before heading off to dance and found a letter on the table. An envelope. Not a packet. Just an envelope. My heart dropped. I almost asked my grandmother to leave the room and let me read it, but thank goodness she was there. Pace University: Wait-listed. More waiting? Are you kidding me? I've had my audition scheduled since before Christmas and I just want to go to this school. The location, the program, the people, and the vibe are everything I want in a school! I just want to go. I have a poster on my wall that Pace sent me... "Now Starring: Courtney L... at Pace University" in the middle of Times Square. I look at it every night and I wait. I wait for the future, I dream of the future. My future is there. But this whole waiting thing is getting old...